On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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