allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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