I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
