I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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