So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
