If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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