just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
