you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
