I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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