There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
