This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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