yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
