Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
