I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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