I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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