You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
