nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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