Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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