ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
