She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
