I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
