Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
