I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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