I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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