im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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