I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
