the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
