I puked a lego.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
