I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
