tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
