Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
