google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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