32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
