i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
