You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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