omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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