i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
