NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
