spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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