You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
