There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
