K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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