Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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