my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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