I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
