you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
