dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
