Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
