I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
