Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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