No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
