Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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