Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
