Sry I called you an 8
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
