Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
