I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
