Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I sprained my soul last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
