i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
