What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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