I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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