I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
