the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
