Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Someone shit on the floor
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
this just has baby written all over it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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