im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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