Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Buhtt sex?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
