I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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