I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
