haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
