White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
