I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize