If that was your dad, he is hot
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
