Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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