Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
